Nearly three weeks ago, a book reviewer on YouTube recommended a title while answering a common question: What is the one book that had the most impact on you, staying with you long after the last page was turned?
He recommended When Breath Becomes Air.
When I first heard the title, something inside me immediately connected with those words. I ordered it right away and got my copy the next day—a hardbound edition with a beautiful white and sky-blue cover.
Before diving in, I did some research on how best to approach this book and the background of its author. Paul Kalanithi was a young neurosurgeon who aspired to be a writer in the later phases of his life. His wife, Lucy, had been with him since their college days. Like any young couple newly in love, they planned their lives together, wanting to live and grow old side by side.
But soon, career took over. Love and promises quietly slipped to priority number two. Time is the essential catalyst for any relationship to grow, but who has time in our current race for success? They both started feeling distant, and the initial spark of their relationship began to fade.
Then, Paul started experiencing severe pain and weight loss. When the diagnosis finally came, it was devastating: terminal lung cancer. The remainder of the book is dedicated to his dual journey as a patient and a doctor, culminating in this unfinished memoir.
My Major Takeaways:
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Don’t wait for your life to end to start living your dream. You might have the potential to be the best in the world at something, but if you never start, even you will never know. We live as though life is infinite, but it is not.
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Your partner is human, too. They need your time and affection. Do not wait for a terminal illness to realize that they are as mortal as you are, and that life can force your paths to diverge sooner than you think. Make the most of your time while you are together.
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Situations are bad; people inherently are not. In one of the book’s stories, a young trainee was so physically exhausted that she secretly hoped her patient would develop an infection so the surgery would be canceled and her shift could end. When the pre-operative diagnosis revealed a severe infection and the surgery was indeed halted, she felt horrible for wanting someone to suffer just because of her own exhaustion. I felt for her, realizing that people aren’t inherently bad—circumstances just push them to their limits.
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Turning away from your mortality will not prevent it. Accept what you are. Accept your circumstances. Know that your time is finite, and make the most of it while you still can. Even if no one else cares, your feelings are valid.
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When confronting death, you have two choices: Live until you die, or die while you are still alive. Choose wisely. Everyone’s days are numbered; you just don’t know your number yet.
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Leave a legacy of warmth. Create something in your life that your child can feel your warmth in, even after you are gone.
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Life is tough. Living with a purpose bigger than yourself is the only way to find true satisfaction.
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Be someone who is fondly remembered. It is ultimately your life. Just think over it.
In my own life, I have often felt my mortality in a very vivid way. I have spent nights wondering what the meaning of all this is when the ultimate end is the same for everyone. Do we really need to work hard throughout our lives just to stay alive, only to leave it all behind? All of my work is simply my own search for meaning.
Paul’s writing has helped me understand my own internal struggles and has made the meaning of “meaning” a bit clearer. Lucy’s epilogue is so deeply touching that it will haunt a thoughtful reader long after the book is closed. Translating your inner self into words is therapeutic, and this book is the perfect medicine delivered by two accomplished people—one writing as a doctor turned patient, and the other writing from her grief. They wrote from the two hardest places a person can possibly write from.
Rest in peace, Paul. Live well, Lucy and Cady.
You can buy the book using this link.It helps fill the ink:
